Fifty Shades of Grey (Film)

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Happy Valentine’s Day to you all!  I hope you were all able to enjoy this love filled day.  I’ve had a pretty amazing day myself.  I have just returned home after seeing Fifty Shades of Grey at my local AMC theater.  I haven’t written a blog post in a while.  I suppose I’ve been lazy and resorting to Tumblr for any text posts.

I would like to start this with saying that I thoroughly enjoyed all three installments of the Fifty Shades of Grey novels.  When they were released I wasted no time in getting them and I spent a day and a half reading through the trilogy.  I can’t believe it has been four years since the books have been out.  Which leads us to today.  Opening weekend of the movie.

I have heard and read all the criticism there is around this book.  Everyone has an opinion.  What is an absolute fact, it’s just a story.  One hundred percent fiction.  What you choose to take from the book is clearly based on your own connection with the book.   If you want to believe this book is glamorizing abusive relationships, that is completely your opinion.  If you think it is a great love story, that is also your opinion.  Two people can look at the same piece of artwork and have completely different thoughts on what it means, and what it portrays.  The only person who knows for sure what the art is, is the artist.

With that being said, I really enjoyed the movie.  I think the movie portrayal nailed it right on the head of the characteristics of each person in the book.  You feel the awkwardness.  You feel the tension.  You feel the pain with each cracking sound of the leather belt that hits her skin.

There was one scene in particular the movie could have explained more.  In the book as Ana is getting dressed to go with Christian to his parents house for dinner, she can not find her panties.  In the movie you see her look around a dark room, notices a new dress laid out for her.  She walks downstairs and he makes a comment asking her if she is sure she has everything.  I might have been the only one in the audience to chuckle at that.  Thanks to reading the book first!

I enjoyed the humor in the movie.  Which may be odd to some because of the sexual theme of the story line.  I feel that if you haven’t read all three books then you will never understand the complete picture of the story.  There’s more to this than just sex.  More to it than just getting tied up and spanked or being flogged.  It really is a love story.  That is what I personally take from the trilogy and from the movie.

Then ending of the film is a cliff hanger.  I don’t want to spoil it too much for those who have not seen it yet.  It wasn’t shocking to me that there would be a cliff hanger.  There are three books!!  I personally was just shocked as to what point it had ended.  I am definitely ready to see the sequel.  I have not heard nor read anything about a release date or if it has even started production yet.

One last thing I would like to add, please don’t go see this with a bunch of your girlfriends and then be the ones to giggle in the audience every time someone says the word, fuck.  It is truly fucking annoying.  🙂

Thank you for taking the time to read this.  If you have any questions or would like to discuss your thoughts on the books or movie, please feel free to leave a comment below or you can find me on Twitter & Tumblr.

XOXO

Twitter: @officialJ
Tumblr: baby-sweetwood

You’re putting it where??!

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Ahhh delightful anal sex!  Ladies, I know your thoughts on it.  Hell no, right?  “He must be gay if he wants to put it in my ass.  That’s an exit only.  It will hurt too much.”  I’ve heard every possible reason as to why women won’t try it.  Hell, I used to be that woman!  Guys, you should know that all women don’t like it.  Women are not like the porn performers that you watch on your favorite free tube sites.  If your woman refuses to do it, drop it and move on.  

Personally, I enjoy anal sex.  You would too if you practiced and relaxed a little bit.  For those who are open and curious to try it, this is my honest and true how-to guide. 

Start small.  Use a small vibrator or anal plug.  If that’s too much to start with, then you can always start with a finger.  If your man is going down on you, let him use how wet you are to play around that area.  More than likely one finger will feel like nothing and you’ll be ready to start using a toy.  

I strongly suggest using a toy before letting your man go to town.  With a toy you’re letting your body get comfortable with a object in a “foreign” area.  But hey, if you want your man to try with his penis that is your choice as well.  

Lubricant!  Use it!  I don’t care how wet you get.  For the first few times you will need as much lubricant as possible.  For more information about lubes just click here

To start you should take a shower or bath.  Relax.  Start slow.  There’s no need to rush the process.  Most women will rush it and end up hating it and never trying it again.  I’ve had numerous women come to my store and tell me their horror stories.  That’s why I also suggest to them buying Anal-ease.  It is a de-sensitizer and will basically make that area numb.  I, however, find it pointless to numb an area that’s so pleasurable.  But it’s good to use if you’re really stressed out about the pain of it.  

If you’re uncomfortable doing it by yourself, have your man use the toy on you.  Speak up.  If it’s too much at first, stop, breathe, and keep going.  Once you’re able to fit it all in, leave it there for a few minutes.  Then you should try to pull it out and put it back in.  Doing this will help you get used to the pressure.  What I’ve also found to help is using a vibrator or bullet on your clit.  Or just rub it.  We all know how pleasurable clitoral stimulation is.  The two combined will help you relax and possibly orgasm before you know it.  

See it’s not that bad, right?  Remove the toy and let your man enter you.  It will probably be a different feeling, depending on the size of the toy you used and the size of your man.  Remind him to go slow.  Use more lubricant.  You’re the one in control of this!  If it feels fine and you’re not in pain then let him continue how he normally would.  I can’t stress enough that you need to be vocal during this.  If you’re in too much pain or it’s altogether too much, take a break.  Try it another day.  

The more you practice the more you will enjoy it, and learn to love it.  You can move on to bigger and better toys.  Bigger plugs, vibrating plugs, who knows, even double penetration.  

 

I asked someone dear to me to give a male’s point of view. Below is his response: 

“Communicate.  Lots of lube.  And let her control the speed-even if it means standing utterly still for a while (feels almost impossible for the man…the drive to just go crazy is intense, but probably not beneficial in the beginning.)  Ask her ahead of time to maybe give you some pre-arranged signal for when she is comfortable enough for you to do what you want.  Or have her just tell you.”

 

Don’t forget to have fun.  It’s sex, and sex is great!  Remember to be safe if you’re not in a monogamous relationship.  After you’ve succeeded in your first rear entry encounter, give yourself a pat on the back.  Then go take a shower! 

 

XOXO

Comments are always appreciated!

Twitter: @officialJ 

 

What’s Your Number?

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I’ve always been curious as to what others thought about it. Especially men, since they are viewed to be more promiscuous than women. I started a forum on a site to find out some answers from men and women. Below is the questions I asked first, and following those are the responses. I kept it completely anonymous to respect their privacy.

What’s your number?..Of sexual partners? When you’re starting a relationship with someone, do you need to know their number? If so, how important is their number to you? Can their number be bigger than yours? Would you lie about your number to the person you’re seeing?

Responses from men;

1: “Four ladies and a fella. I don’t care about the number of partners anyone else has had. Dwelling on it seems way too slut-shamey for my taste.”

2: “Honestly, I don’t know. There’s so many different definitions of “sex”. If I got a blowie from a particular girl but never had intercourse, does she go on my record, even if it was an amazing job? What about a group situation in which I penetrated more than one girl but only came once? Does only the one I came with count? What about being penetrated by a girl? What about a really intense BDSM relationship that never resulted in sex but was very satisfying, including on a sexual level? My number is between 1 and 100, I’m pretty sure of that. My partner doesn’t know her number either. Being able to keep track of that stuff is for vanilla people.”

3: “It’s a pop-normative culture thing.”

4: “I am sure I could figure it out but why do I care and why would I care about her “number”. If I am starting a relationship with someone I would care about their health status but have never thought to care about past partners; I am more focused on who that woman is with me.”

5: “A number is just that a number. Never tried to figure mine out. I would not ask anyone their number. I would not expect them to ask me mine.”

6: “Mine, Intercourse 4, If we include oral and mutual masturbation around 15 another persons. With a potential partner at this point in my life the number isn’t that important.”

7: “My number? I honestly don’t have a clue. Do I care in a potential partner/playmate? Absolutely not.”

8: “More than thirty, but I stopped counting. I don’t care about another’s number. I have a friend who writes down a tally, perhaps with notes, of every sexual encounter she’s had, so she can look up not just the number of people, but the number of times she’s had sex.”

9: “I have only had one sexual partner, and no I would never lie about it, but I don’t believe I would ever want to know the other persons number.”

10: “Its about how the fun and pleasure not the number…who cares about the number? Its about who you are with now.”

11: “If I had all day to just sit and recall every girl I’ve had sex with I could tell you. I know it’s more than 30. I do not disclose my number when women ask and I also tell them that I do not want to know theirs. I’ve had my number thrown back in my face before so I decided that all they need to know is I’ve had sex with multiple women and that I am std free.”

12: “My number is very low, as my sexual experiences have been far and in between. As the relationship develops it would be nice to know each others history but not so much the number of people one has been with. As long as both individuals are disease free, open, honest and communicate with each other about their sexual history, experiences, and related health issues that is fine. For those reasons listed above I would like to know but it wouldn’t change the way I feel.”

13: “3 and no I couldn’t care less what they did before me. I’m not going to turn down a potentially great relationship because the amount of partners she had.”

14: “I completely agree with wanting to know someone’s history. The number is insignificant, it’s more wanting to know who someone is by trying to piece together their past. For those who say the past is the past: what a farce. I am who I am today because I am the extension of who I was yesterday. The same is true for every single person you’ve ever met. Now if you’re not looking for a serious relationship then this stuff doesn’t matter. But then neither does the rest of the person’s past. My wife knows every skeleton in my closet and I wouldn’t have it any other way. If you don’t trust a serious partner to love you despite who you were yesterday then you might be in the wrong place.”

15: “I’d tell you privately, or at least get a close number, but I’m not sure it should matter. I think in a relationship, one should be much more forthcoming about one’s sexual history. My wife knows pretty much everything I’ve done, and she has permission to ask what she likes of me. I have the same information about her. For something casual, maybe not unless there is a reason to assume a level of risk. It’s more important to know that someone practices safe sex (or safer sex, if you prefer), if that person has a significant other, and if that person has, or does not have, permission to play. In my opinion, these are far more important questions.”

16: “I’ll go with #2 here and say I just don’t know where sex ends and begins. Even then, I don’t want to keep track and I don’t want to know. I’m sure some people take pride in their score, and it’s great for those people, but I don’t.”

17: “This is a “Chasing Amy” scenario lol. The number doesn’t matter, so long as we like each other it should all be good.”

18: “My number is in the high 30′s and my Emi Doll is probably somewhere between 80 and 120. I like a girl who has had a lot of partners. I’d be pretty weary of a girl in the single digits. As for my number, I don’t lie. I’ve definitely scared a few girls off which I see as good riddance. I have zero interest in a girl who is shocked by sexuality.”

19: “I would tell you but then you might want to call.”

20: “I don’t count. Those I’ve had sex with are people, not numbers. I find it crass.”

#2 response to previous comments; “Wow- all these guys with smaller numbers who are older than me… I feel so ashamed, this must be how Miley Cyrus feels the day after the VMAs! “

21: “I think maybe somewhere around two dozen. I could count them up if I wanted to stop and rewind through all the years. I’m over fitty now, so that’s not that many, I reckon. I don’t care about my partner’s number. I like hearing about her sexual past though, just because I’m nosy and I think that stuff is hot (sometimes – if they were lucky, not always).”

22: “Well not knowing would show a lack of openness and honesty so with me it would be troublesome not to know.”

23: “Boy is my answer different than the rest. I never cared about numbers until I dated a woman that floated my boat like nobody else ever had. One day she asked me how many women I had had sex with (I was 38 at the time and she was 26) and I told her it had been about 7 or 8 or so. She was shocked which made me ask her the same question. She didn’t know for sure but thought it to be in the 50 to 60 range. She wasn’t shy about it either. That turned me on about her. I talked her into raising that number and we kept track of it in a little notebook.”

24: “All women have secrets, and it’s not my job to get them to tell me anything they don’t want to tell me. Her ‘number’ is not important to how she and I get along. My number is hers for the asking but I won’t volunteer it without her asking. No I would not lie to inflate my ego.”

25: “To be honest as i dont care anyway. mines 36 (just to prove a point) , nah as ive had some lousey partners that were “experienced”, ‘open legs don’t make an open mind” (smartest thing ive ever said, my word so you cant steal em lol) had a bird with one previous and she was amazing. so seasame street was wrong numbers arent important. letters are, A to M is ok”

26: “I don’t know my number(it might take a while to compile the list and I’ve got better things to do) and I’d rather not know the number of a new partner. I don’t think this is something I need to know, or is important to what I’m doing in the here and now.”

27: “I have no idea what my number is. It’s somewhere in the 30′s. I don’t really care either. As far as her number, I don’t want to know. I’m that “head in the sand” guy that is goes to pretend her number is zero anyway. I don’t want to hear about her sexual exploits with other guys either. It’s just the way I am.”

28: “8, I believe. And no, I don’t need to know how many they’ve had. Everyone’s sex drive is different, everyone’s explorations were different. I’d much rather know: 1. Are you disease free? 2. What have you tried? What have you enjoyed, disliked, hated? And what would you like to try? 3. Do you understand that I’m poly, and that means my Daddy and I are a package deal? So yeah. Whether they’re a virgin, or whether they could describe the block with their eyes closed, as long as they’re clean, semi-sane, and not looking to crack up my relationship, we’ve got room to talk.”

29: “I lost count awhile back and it seems like I connect better with ladies who are in triple digits. One doesn’t ask of course, but one can tell. However I do agree with the guy who said keeping count is for vanilla people.”

30: “I stopped keeping track at around 20…”

There were plenty more responses from men, but, they were quite similar to the the replies above.

Now, the women:

1: “Its about how the fun and pleasure not the number…who cares abot the number? Its about who you are with now.”

2: “Past is past don’t get hung up on numbers. No one here is saving themselves for marriag so it should not matter. Whats important that is being looked over is how and if they practice safe sex. No one wants stds.”

3: “At my age the question never comes up, most figure its a lot.”

4: “I’ve never dated anyone that asked and I’ve never asked anyone. I’ve never cared.”

5: “That kind of info tells you very little about the person. I don’t ask, I don’t recall being asked. I have taken up younger men and I had one not ask about total numbers, just about how many other recent young men I had experienced. It was relevant in a way, still gave no answer. It did not really matter to either of us.”

6: ”I don’t need to know, but I do get a little curious. If I’m just dating someone, I won’t ask. If I’m in a relationship, it eventually comes up but I don’t judge. It has no bearing on the relationship or what I think of my partner. If my Daddy ever wants to know, I’ll tell him. He hasn’t asked and that’s okay. But I understand that some people just don’t care or really don’t want to know. It’s not a big deal. shoulder shrug”

7: “Once upon a time, numbers did matter to me… But that was while i was still fighting the battle within myself of accepting who and what i am, versus the societal norm of “what i should be”…I also once kept a tally of who/what, but never how many of what… ;D It used to seem like something that was truly “important”… i can add names after 31 – (the last time i had updated “that list”)… However, i can’t promise i’ll remember them all… ;P But that was also in the ‘nilla world… Now that i have fully embraced the idea that i am at the least, an open relationship girl – or with the right people, poly minded? (Always promoted it – but never had any “takers” until i got into the kinky side of life…) That i now insist that my (any and all) partners are a minimum of accepting of that? Much better if like minded? As long as the proverbial you/they are as safe as possible about what/who they do? They aren’t “sharing” anything i DON’T WANT? IDGAF if they’ve batted over a thousand… (From prude to ethical slut… Who’da thunk??? LMAO!)”

8: “No! This is a hard limit for me, for a number of reasons. First of all, numbers are a stupid way to assess people. Is she a slut at 25 but not at 15? What if he’s only slept with one person? Second, it’s no one’s business. You are who you are as a sum of the people who came into your life, sexually or otherwise. Why does it matter? Take me as I am and don’t apply some magical insights into what you think my number means. Third, my mother was shamed by my father for having more sexual partners than he had. And having a baby that she gave up for adoption before she even met him. She lived with that her whole life, AND the disrespect. So, while I am not ashamed of my numbers, I will NEVER tell anyone my number, as a way of honouring her.”

I loved getting different opinions from people. It seems to be clear that the majority do no care about a person’s number. If anything, the most important issue is that they had practiced safe sex prior to their current partner.

My opinion on the topic; Either way, I personally don’t care what my partner’s number is. Am I curious? Sure. It is completely up to him if he wanted to share that with me. It wouldn’t change anything between us.

So I’ll leave it at that. Case closed. Feel free to share your own thoughts and opinions below.

XOXO

Twitter: @officialJ